I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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