y did u give ur computer a hand job?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
