I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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