i just made my gag reflex go away.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
