So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
my poor anus
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
