I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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