There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
