I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
