I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
