So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
