Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
