no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
