now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
