Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
