Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
