Betty ford says i'm here all night
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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