goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
