i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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