She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
