And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize