I must be too annoying 4 u.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
