my soul wont recognize me after tonight
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
