it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
