Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
