Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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