Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
