I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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