weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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