So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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