You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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