Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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