and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
