There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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