my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize