So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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