I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As shirtless as possible
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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