There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
