Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
