And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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