new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
