There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
