My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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