I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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