you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
