so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
