I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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