what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
