Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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