I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
