So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize