This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
