I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
