apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
