I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
