I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
