Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
