Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
