Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She told me I should be a condom model.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
