i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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