Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
