Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
