Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
