dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
