it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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