If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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