Please, let me fuck your mom
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize