I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
