the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
