Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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