I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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