im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
